Our First Love

Today’s modern, sinful world practically exists for the sole purpose of churning out distractions, addictions, and vanities to keep the lost entertained and forever seeking something new to fill the void and clothe the naked wickedness within them. From outright sin such as fornication to more subtle means such as entertainment, this world deafens the man and woman’s mind with enticing yet empty noise. 

Many Christians have sadly fallen to these countless distractions and vices. Countless sermons have been written to tackle every single temptation that this world and our flesh can hurl at us. We rightly preach against these pitfalls and call for the Christian to heed the warning in Revelation 2:4:

“Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.”

            We cannot understate or neglect the powerful influence these vices of our flesh have had upon so many Christians. So many believers have given themselves over to the world for entertainment that they have no longer seen the true beauty of Christ and the gospel anymore. They see the glimmering jewel of instant gratification and pleasure and trod upon the riches in Christ everyday. This should break the heart of every believer to see Christ’s love and sacrifice willingly traded for such vomitous counterfeits. 

            Our first love should always and only be the Person of Jesus Christ. No believer would ever deny this. His sacrifice, His lovingkindness, His mercies, His holiness, His purity, everything who God is should cause us to fall on our faces in adoration and praise. Just to know that our adoration and pursuit of Christ gives Him the most delight should fuel our love for Him all the more! No devout believer in the Lord would ever dare deny that He is worthy of all our devotion, that He is enough for every aching heart and empty soul. Christ truly satisfies and fulfills every believer, not His gifts, not His blessings, but the very person of Jesus Christ alone. 

Yet in our pursuit of Christ, many well-intentioned believers have taken the holy and good gifts from God and have allowed them to usurp Christ’s rightful place within their heart. Many ministries and institutions of God have been turned into measuring sticks that determine a man or woman’s usefulness or worth to God or even to themselves. They have turned their relationship with God into a series of do’s and don’t’s. While there are countless “holy” idols that plague Christian churches today, this article will focus on one in particular: the inordinate desire for marriage.

Nearly everyone would be appalled to think that this sacred institution created by God could become something of an idol to a Christian, in particular, the single Christian. People will rightly point to Genesis 2:18:

“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

            It is indisputable that marriage is a beautiful gift from God meant to depict Christ and His relationship with the church. The means through which mankind was to be fruitful and multiply across the earth. Marriage is sacred and good. This is not up for debate. No, this is about the inordinate desire for marriage or a dating relationship that has been pushed and encouraged not just in the world but even in Christian circles. 

            There is a passage of inspired Scripture that is seldom, if ever, preached or spoken upon seriously that is found in Paul’s second epistle to the Corinthians. II Corinthians 7:38-40 states:

“So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think that I have the Spirit of God.”

            Is it not indicative of an idol-worshipping heart when there are certain passages of Scripture that men and women do not enjoy to read and possibly ignore altogether? A liar would certainly not want to read about how lying lips are an abomination to the Lord. How is it then that these inspired verses are not preached or spoken about more often in today’s Christian culture? 

            Often in mission’s conferences, quotes from famous missionaries are cited - “One should not ask if they are called to the mission field, but if they are called to stay home.” And so forth. It is a difficult challenge that should be considered by any heart that desires Christ glorified and to obey Him. Yet why does this not apply to marriage? Certainly, most Christians will marry and that is not to be discouraged or viewed poorly ever! But just as the calling of pastor or missionary are highly esteemed, why isn’t celibacy for Christ and the gospel’s sake viewed in such high regard as well?

            It is only natural for a man or woman to desire marriage. But as seen in today’s culture, marriage has now become the end-all relationship for many believers today. More thought is given to who they should marry instead of wondering if they should marry. Instead of viewing their relationship with God as the most beautiful and satisfying relationship possible with all other relationships simply gifts from our loving Father, believers treat the pursuit of marriage with the same care and reverence as that of their pursuit of the Lord. 

            The dating game, instead of a Biblical view of marriage, is pushed upon young people at an early age. Their self-worth is determined by their relationship status. The assumption is ingrained in every single person that God wants them to marry and that He will have someone for them to marry. People chase a relationship just for the sake of having one. But what lies behind this wistful and feverish chase? Is it for God’s glory? Is it in pursuit of God’s will? Most often, it has nothing to do with God. The marriage relationship has now replaced the most sacred and fulfilling relationship, man with God and God with man.

            Many single believers need to get a divorce from this imaginary spouse, this fantasy that if they get married then they will have worth, happiness, and fulfillment. Instead of being taught that Christ should literally be our All in All, we are taught to seek Christ but also to seek marriage as well. Single Christians are often comforted that God will give them a spouse if they trust Him, that God has someone for everyone. They are taught and conditioned to believe and feel that singleness is a burden, a cross to bear, a loss or lack of joy and fulfillment. This is not what Scripture teaches. Singleness is not something to avoid and run from. 

            We certainly would not tell a married Christian to ever give into the feeling that marriage is a burden. Yet we subconsciously push that onto every single person who wistfully longs for a spouse with sympathetic words and prayers. Instead of pointing that person to Christ, the only One who will fulfill them, we tell people to ask God to give them someone else to take His place.

            Most will use Christ’s words found in Matthew 19:11-12 against this line of reasoning: 

“But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”

            While there is a valid case made for this passage of Scripture that it is only referring to those who naturally desire to be single, is it completely silent and has no meaning for those who wish to marry yet never find a spouse in life? How many godly women and men have desired a godly spouse and yet that desire has never been fulfilled? Are we going to say that these believers did not pray enough for it, or they were not following God as they should have been hence why their desires are unfulfilled? While some people are naturally born to be single, Christ mentions those, still having the desire to be married, give that desire up for the higher calling of being “married unto Christ.”

            Christ said, “Let him accept it.” I would dare say that EVERY believer is able to accept it, for all things are possible in Christ. Countless single believers, who would marry if given the chance, have found their true joy and love in the Person of Christ. It is NOT a shame for a believer to marry another if God has truly given that gift to them, but it is also NOT a shame or burden for a believer (who still naturally desires marriage) to lay that upon the altar to devote themselves to the Lord’s work, but never for selfish desires.

            Singleness can be lonely. Seeing joyful marriages can be painful for an unmarried Christian. Marriage is NOT something to avoid either. If a man or woman are attracted to each other and both desire God and His will, then let them marry. They sin not, as the Apostle Paul would say. This is not to degrade or discourage marriage. But being lonely and alone are not the same thing. Too many Christians have wasted away on this imaginary fixation that they must have a spouse to be happy or useful to God. 

            While some Christians would counsel the young man and woman to not fixate on marriage and not go through countless online dating sites, we still fail them when we encourage them to date any attractive single Christian that they meet. They would be better off learning more and more of Christ, His beauty, His love, His power, His grace, His joy, His mercy, and His holiness. Let a Christian find Christ to be his All in All, and all unhealthy, excessive desires towards marriage will begin to dissipate. A man or woman consistently pining away for a relationship, outwardly or even inwardly, is a man or woman who does NOT know their God, for in their eyes, God is not enough for them.

            What does Hebrews 12:1 tell us? “Let us lay aside every weight..” Scripture makes it clear that our purpose is to glorify Christ and to follow Him whole-heartedly. We will not fulfill this purpose if our hearts are divided between two masters - following Christ or following after a selfish relationship. This leads to another problem with today’s culture being so fixated on dating relationships - they are mostly selfish by nature.

            The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians that the wife was to submit to her husband just as the church submits to Christ. He wrote that husbands were to love their wives as Christ loved the church and died for the church. The holy picture of marriage is Christ and His church. All pictures, though beautifully crafted by God, will always be inferior to who they are depicting - Christ and His relationship with us. It is a picture of sacrifice, service, and dying to one’s self. But how many believers are dating or getting married with that purpose in mind? How many are seeking marriage for the preeminent purpose of pleasing and glorifying God? Very few. Most only view marriage as a fulfilment of a selfish desire. 

            While we are decent at understanding that we are to love the Giver and not the gift, this seems to elude most Christians regarding marriage. We understand that God is better than any gift. But we appear to think that God can ONLY satisfy certain innate desires within us through marriage alone. While physically, that is the case, would it be too far-fetched to say that a beautiful and intimate relationship with Christ would be capable of overriding even those physical desires? Is marriage the one gift that we MUST have, or at least the one gift we MUST seek to be considered a normal Christian? No, just like every other gift from God, this one should not be placed on a pedestal equal to or greater than the great Lover of our soul.

            How many single men and women of God are despondent over their relationship status, not because they desire to please God, but because self-centered desires have not been met. They strive to alleviate that despair through desperate, chronic dating. Ultimately, something that was meant to point our eyes to Christ, has now turned our eyes inward. We view marriage, not as a way to serve God and our spouse, not as a way to become more like Christ, but as a means of satiating our selfish appetites - physically and emotionally. 

Being married myself, I understand that others may think it is easier for me to have this view of marriage. But these words only echo the same writings of Paul, who was not married as well - “He that giveth her not marriage doeth better.” Are we to dismiss his words too for not being married? I would exhort every single believer who truly loves God to view their time of aloneness as a honeymoon time with their Savior. You have been blessed with a period of time to know the Lover of your soul without distraction or responsibility. Seize that opportunity and cast aside all preconceived notions that you MUST be in a relationship with another to be happy. And once the Lord has led you to someone else that also desires Him then marry, for you sin not.

            Don’t let this time slip by until you can truly say, “I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good!” Before it is time for your loving Lord to share your heart with another, be sure you can say to the world, “Come to my gracious Master, for His love never fails towards His children. He has satisfied my thirsty and hungering soul with the delicacies of heaven from His very own hand!”

            And as you give your heart to the Lord in complete love and trust, perhaps you will hear the Spirit say, “I love you as no other can. Stay with Me. Let us walk this mortal life and into eternity hand in hand. Just you and Me.”

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